The Weak : In Technology November 21st - November 27th, 2011

Man Cannot Say, Think About, Or Play Skyrim Without Thinking “Skyrim-job”

Since the game’s release on November 11th, Al Froeberg has not been able to engage the title in any way without immediately adding the suffix, “job”.

“Yeah it’s kind of distracting, actually. I tell the wife, ‘Hey, I’m gonna go play Skyrim’ then in my mind, ‘-job’. Even when other people say it, I immediately finish their sentence in my head. ‘Hey Al, you played Skyrim?’ —’job’.”

“What the hell is the matter with me?”

SquareEnix To Open Android Games Division

SquareEnix has announced that in the interest of hating you, your life, your hands, and your time they will be starting a division to create games for the Android platform.

“We really just want to put something in the hands of consumers that will turn their lives upside down. I mean that literally. When you’re done playing a 680-hour RPG on your tablet, or God-forbid, your phone you will know how much SE hates your guts,” says Lead Producer Gary Wells.

Wells went on to say that the games will be designed in a way where you have to hold your neck at an unnatural angle, cramp your fingers in the same unnatural position with awkward repetitive movements. At the same time they will feature story lines which will suck you in to the point where you’ll neglect nearly every other aspect of your life.

Facebook Really Making A Phone This Time. You Gotta Believe Me!

Guys, seriously! You gotta believe me. Seriously, hear me out this time. Facebook is making an Android phone!

No, it’s true. Yeah I know I’ve said that before and it didn’t happen and was in no way, shape, or form true but this time it is!

Aw come of guys, this isn’t like the time I told you I beat Ed Boon at Mortal Kombat online. This is real.

Aww, come on, guys.

Activision Successfully Completes “People Will Buy Anything With Call Of Duty On It” Experiment

According to sources Activision has successfully completed a multi-million-dollar research project started more than two years ago with the release of Call of Duty: World At War.

The experiment started by showing player’s statistics online and on their phones for free, then eventually discontinuing it, and then selling it. The experiment was aimed at figuring out if people would just buy any damn thing put in front of them with the words “Call Of Duty” on it.

“It was an enormous success,” says Dr. Larry Swiger, “We had more than a million sign-ups, at $59, in six days. Even when people knew the system had been crippled and even was not working at all, they still happily handed over their money.”

This experiment comes hot on the heels of other social experiments such as Microsoft’s continuous repackaging of the game Halo, even to the point of re-releasing the exact same game, and Capcom selling Street Figther IV three times with only very, very slight improvements yet making each version completely independent and incompatible with each other.